The Power of Friendship!

“…A man that has friends must show himself friendly; and there is a FRIEND that sticks closer than a brother….” PROVERBS 18:24

First of all, I am NOT an advocate of calling “everyone” I know a friend. Yes, they may be wonderful people, great American citizens and outstanding role-models for others to look up to. However, to call them my FRIEND is to testify to a GREATER relationship than that which is “typically” understood in our culture.

Sure, the Bible is clear about what it takes to have and make friends: “…show yourself friendly….” However, the Biblical idea of friendship is one that entails more than a mere acquaintance of enjoyment.

Jesus said in John 15:13, “…greater love has no man than this: that a man lay down his life for his friends….” He further communicated on through verses 14 & 15, “…I call you NOT servants for the servants knows NOT what his Lord does, but I have called you FRIENDS for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known to you….”

What an awesome application display of FRINDSHIP! Many have interpreted this to mean that “no man can or should lay down his life for his friends”, but this is NOT what is being communicated here. Jesus is setting the application example of FRIENDSHIP in its true form. Therefore (as it is displayed), I must commit myself as a friend in the most INTIMATE way possible. Jesus essentially said (paraphrase), “…I have shared with you [my friends] all there is to know about me - who I am and what I know….” This is intimacy in its truest form.

Therefore, this shows me that my friendships should be HIGHLY intimate and VULNERABLE! Moreover, it should have the kind of WORTH [to me] that allows me to give all that I have to ensure the strength of the friendship! In this, we are really “laying down our lives for our friends”, in which there is NO GREATER way to communicate how much we love them. So then, my friend should be acquainted with all that I am, all that I have and all that I even dare hope to be! I should be available to them in the deepest commitment of love!

Solomon well stated in PROVERBS 17:17, “…A FRIEND loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity….” What a striking confirmation to the PROVERBS 18:24 passage! In other words, my FRIEND (whom I also see as my BROTHER) will love me when I need to be loved, and is CREATED [born] to be there for me during my times of deepest hurt [adversity]. This too shows intimacy and commitment!

In addition, my friend will do whatever it takes to cheer me up, encourage me and help me pick up the spirit of my life’s production – even if it means to say what I don’t want to hear! Solomon said in PROVERBS 27:17, “…As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend….” He also said in PROVERBS 11:13, “…Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful….” In other words, there times when my friend (out of love for me) will suffer me a “constructive pain” that I might obtain something greater.

Friendships are so strong, yet so under-appreciated. Some (like me) might say that it has become the “lost treasure” of relationships. Modern day relationships are often based upon human emotion, feelings and material worth. Moreover, this “basis” (emotional relationships) has dominantly become the fabric of the American marriage – even in the Church!

FRIENDSHIP & MARRIAGE

Perhaps you’ll agree with me that most Christians believe that the “role” of a man is to “look” for his wife. This belief is derived from PROVERBS 18:22, “…whoso FINDS a wife FINDS a good thing….” However, the remainder of this verse continues, “…and obtains FAVOR of The Lord….” (this is rarely quoted when speaking about the supposed “role” of a man to look for his potential wife).

The ENTIRE verse clearly communicates that men don’t “find” a wife, but God’s FAVOR! So then, it is NOT my objective to find a “wife”, but to PLEASE God in order to obtain HIS FAVOR for me. Let me take this further in the writings of Solomon….

PROVERBS 28:26 says, “…He that trusts in his own heart is a fool, but whoso walks wisely, he shall be delivered….” So then, if I were to look for my own wife, how would I know who is the best for me – especially since trusting in MY OWN heart is NOT good for me to do? Furthermore, Solomon also says in PROVERBS 20:24, “…A man’s goings are of the Lord, how can a man understand his OWN WAY?...”
So then, in accordance to these passages, It is not possible for me to understand what the journey of seeking a wife looks like nor entails! In fact, PROVERBS 31:10 (the famous chapter for women) asks me a rhetorical question: “…Who can find a virtuous woman, for her price is far above rubies….”

All that I can identify with, in any woman I seek, is something that I already know: Rubies! [one of the highest forms of value] I can’t see her beyond what I already identify with, so how will I know it is her when I find her – she supposed to look like what I think she should look like, and act like what I think she should act like. I’m looking for ONLY that which I can identify with. So the problem is NOT that I can’t see value. The problem is that I can’t see HER VALUE. The problem is that I can’t identify HER. She [the VIRTUOUS Woman] looks like something that is FAR above what I am familiar with [her price or value is FAR ABOVE rubies]!

You see, my heart will ONLY crave that which it is most familiar with AND loves! This is why Jesus said in MATHEW 6:21, “…where your treasure is [what is MOST valuable to you] there will your HEART be also….” Therefore, I’d be a fool to trust in my own heart, because what I seek in through my heart will ONLY be that which I want, crave, desire and love – having placed the highest value on it because it has become my ONLY focus and passion

So then, the question becomes….

How will I know when I have obtained the FAVOR of God and recognize my wife?

Perhaps a better (more practical) question is….

What do I do to gain God’s FAVOR for marriage?

Well, to answer this one I’ll use another familiar passage of scripture: PSALM 37:4-7

“…Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give you the desires of your heart...Commit your way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass...And he shall bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your judgment as the noonday…Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him: fret not yourself because of him who prospers in his way, because of the man who brings wicked devices to pass….”

Well, hopefully I have already established that we can NOT trust in our own hearts. Therefore, we must see verse 37:4 in the context of having the HEART of God – not our own! Furthermore, our DESIRES are NOT our own, but the DESIRES of God for us!

The next verse says, “…COMMIT your way unto the Lord….” This essentially says that my delight is housed within the place of doing what God wants me to do and going where HE wants me to go – which is my COMMITMENT to HIM!

In this commitment, I am to “…TRUST HIM….” And allow HIM to bring “...IT….” [my way, direction, and course of life] to pass! As I am walking in this kind of COMMITMENT to God (the passages continues), “…HE will bring forth my righteousness [what I am doing right to PLEASE HIM] as the light….” In other words, what I am doing right in God’s eyes will be the glow within me – wherever I go! It [my righteousness] will present itself clearly and precise – without confusion.

NOT only will he bring forth my righteousness as the light, but the passage continues to say that He’ll also bring forth my, “…Judgments as the noonday….” In essence, when the times comes for me to make a CLEAR decision about my life and how I commit myself to the PLAN and PURPOSE of God, it will be as CLEAR as the NOONDAY. I will be able to see and to make the decisions I need to make along my life’s journey because I am living the way God wants me to!

Look at what PSALM 37 says next, “…REST in the Lord, and WAIT PATIENTLY for HIM….” Oh how that speaks to the modern day Christian who wants it ALL right now! If we COMMIT the way this passage is asking of us, and do what PLEASES God, we must then ALLOW God to HAVE HIS WAY! This means, we MUST WAIT!!! Waiting is another “LOST ART” of the Christian experience! Notice that the passages says to “…wait PATIENTLY….” This means that our waiting might become PAINFUL to us. ROMANS 5:1-5 teaches us that “…tribulation works patience….”

The encouragement of PSALM 37 continues to help us, “…FRET NOT [don’t worry or look at] yourself because of him who prospers in HIS WAY [not the way that pleases God, but his own way]….” In other words, Christians tend to think that they are doing something wrong because everyone else around them SEEMS to be getting blessed, when they are not. This might cause seasons of doubt, depression or even a season of “backsliding.” This PSALM passage communicates SO MUCH to encourage us in doing what is right – even in the face of those who are SEEMINGLY getting blessed! However, the verse that stands out strongly to rebut this is PSALM 37:23, “…The steps of a good man are ordered of the Lord, and he [God] delights in HIS [God’s own] way….”

Now this study was about FRIENDSHIP! Therefore, to answer the question(s) proposed, we must ALWAYS take the practical approach. So then, we MUST ALWAYS present ourselves as FRIENDS FIRST! Sure, we may meet people who we have a desire for a romantic relationship with, but we MUST take those desires and COMMIT them to God (and HIS way). If, through our COMMITMENT to God, we obtain HIS FAVOR for any particular person to be in a romantic relationship with, this JUDGMENT [decision] will come forth as the LIGHT and the NOONDAY! It will become CLEAR to us! In this, we continue to be PLEASING to God and NOT seek what our OWN HEARTS desire.

Finally, we must know for ourselves what our own STRENGTHS and WEAKNESSES are with respect to our ability to COMMIT to a FRIENDSHIP. A careful and diligent application of this study will prove to be POWERFUL and fulfilling to your life, as well as current and future friendships developed on your journey. PLEASE feel free to share this study with ANT/ALL of your friends who might be praying about these topics for their own lives.

Grace & Peace
Roc